Spiritually Religious
I am at the part of my religious journey where I no longer feel comfortable praying in any established environment. I cannot pray in church, because I cannot pray to Jesus. I pray to God. I cannot pray in a mosque, because I cannot pray the way Muslims pray. It feels wrong.
So, I pray when I’m driving. I pray when I’m doing yard work. I pray when I’m cooking. I pray while I’m sewing or making jewelry. I pray in the shower. I pray when I’m holding my child close. I pray when I watch them sleep. I feel like a being who is constantly in prayer.
I looked upon every Cross, in every church,
yet He was not there.
I went to the temples of India
and the shrines of China
yet He was not there.
I searched the mountains of Herat and Candalar
yet He was not there.
I scaled the distant peak of Mount Qaf
only to find
the empty nest of the Phoenix.
I visited the Ka’be
but He was not in that tourist site
amidst the pilgrims young and old.
I read the books of Avicenna
but His wisdom went beyond all the words.
I went to the highest court,
within the distance of “two-bow lengths,”
yet He was not there.
Then I looked within my own heart
and there I found Him-
He was nowhere else.
My Islamic Life 
I feel the same way and do the same thing!!
These comments particularly interest me because I’d always thought you were a devout Christian who felt dedicated to furthering your husband’s faith and who had made a promise to raise your children predominantly Muslim. I have only read you for the past year or two so maybe I missed something. I have been curious about how your Christian faith fit with Islam because it seemed to me that your dedication to Islam went above and beyond keeping your promise to your family. I would never ask this of someone in normal conversation, but since your blog focuses intensely on faith, is it OK to ask for some background? Why can’t you pray to Jesus? Has something changed for you, do you feel that you should not, or is that how it always was? Do you find Christian faith merging with Islamic faith or have you always felt that the two share more than they don’t?
I am not critical at all in asking–just curious, in part because I have a very hybrid faith myself; and I spent several years going to church but always ran up against a difficulty with worshiping Jesus.
Regardless of whether you want to answer my forward questions (and thank you for receiving them), your present state of being sounds good, deep, and wonderful, and I think many people in many faiths have a similar state of prayerfulness as their goal.
Thank you so much for your comment. I have carefully read your question and I will take the time to respond later today. I’m at work right now and cannot devote the focus to respond thoroughly. I want to give your question all the attention it deserves. Kristina